Notes from the Heart (Email Newsletter, March 3, 2019)
{860 words}
Dear ones,
I’ve been photographing the light again and thinking of each of you with so much love and gratitude. It has been several months since I sent an email, and there’s a lot to share.
Last year was a bit rough. The proverbial shitshow started on the exact day of July’s lunar apogee. That full moon marked the beginning of a legal dispute involving my home (a.k.a. my life savings). I debated sharing any details here.
Fear, stress and expenses made it virtually impossible to do creative work for Lucia. All of my creative energy went into communication with my attorney, preparations for a hearing, and of course the work I do for clients to make a living. The thought of sharing any of my journaling during this time was overwhelming, and it felt inauthentic to write to you without addressing the enormous elephant in my room, so for months I curled into the protective embrace of my love, my family, my closest friends, and my work.
Most of us learn from a young age how important it is to be honest and treat others and their property with respect. But this whole ordeal was a reminder that there are baddies too, and they will get away with things if we do not call them out on their unethical behavior. This is one reason why light is so powerful.
In late November, I had the opportunity to shine some by testifying at a formal hearing, one of the most stressful and cathartic experiences of my life. In January the decision came, and it was enough in my favor that I have not lost my home. A relief. However, the antagonist has now filed an appeal, so there remains a cloud of uncertainty hanging around.
I share this with you as a way of explaining that I did not just disappear for no good reason for the last several months. I was here, just taking care of myself and dealing with a situation my Alexander Technique teacher lovingly calls a “crisis-tunity.”
“In the midst of autumn’s madness, a sweet friend sent a message that she hoped that I might re-emerge in the new year like a “sparkling winter butterfly.” ”
I held that image in my heart for weeks and it did me good.
I feel creativity beginning to return now. March is a stirring month.
I am meeting with Lucia’s printer to discuss options for publishing our third issue at a lower cost. What I’d saved for printing Lucia went to cover my legal bills, so I need to find a different way. It might mean going with thinner paper for this issue, or some other physical change. I don’t yet know what is possible, but I am collecting all of these beautiful catalogs that come, fingering the papers and inks, and wondering. I feel hopeful and excited.
I’m also feeling the pull to write and share again. I spent hours last weekend “introverting” with a planner and journals, and it felt amazing. Good things came out, including five projects for March and beyond:
1. Simplify (because, yes)
2. Earn (very important)
3. Publish (just do it)
4. Teach (oh, the possibilities!)
5. Curious Serendipity (i.e. space for magic)
I also spent time considering to whom I write...who am I sending these love letters and missives to, really? Anyone who shares writing publicly, especially in the realm of social media, knows how easy it is to lose focus and get pulled off track by trying to please everyone who interacts with us. I want to feel integrated and whole when I share.
This pondering led to the creation of a new personal “audience board” to hang on my office wall. It has photographs of seven real live women in my life—dear friends—who touch my heart each in her own way, and are on a similar path. These women get me, and as long as even one of them would resonate with, honor or appreciate what I have written, then I will know it is worth publishing.
I can feel my new butterfly wings starting to dry. Man, the cocoon of the last six months was a trip though. I am happy to be stirring again. I look forward to sharing more about Lucia’s next issue printing as the season unfolds.
And you? What was fall and winter like for you? Did you cocoon? Do you feel a stirring, too?
With love,
Laura
P.S. Here’s a little birthday gift: I turn 44 on March 7, so I made a mixtape to celebrate. March is also National Women’s History Month and March 8 is International Women’s Day, so this mix celebrates all kinds of empowerment, voice, presence, gratitude, and of course metamorphosis. Listen here: March Sounds {2019}
P.P.S. Books I read in my cocoon: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD; Practice You by Elena Brower; and Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill.
P.P.P.S. Books I’m currently reading: The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer (re-reading); Dare to Lead by Brene Brown; and Decolonizing Wealth, Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides and Restore Balance by Edgar Villanueva.
Laura Lowery is the founder, editor and publisher of Lucia. She does her best to lead a creative life. Whether triumphant or stumbling, Laura shares daily notes (that are often weekly) here on luciajournal, including stories, behind-the-scenes happenings, little doses of inspiration, and large quantities of curiosity and heart. She is pleased to meet you.